BONEDALE FISHING REPORT #25

BONEDALE FISHING REPORT #25

I DON’T CARE IF IT RAINS OR FREEZES LONG AS MY PLASTIC JESUS IS SITTIN’ ON THE DASHBOARD OF MY CAR

I pay close attention to the Plastic Jesus. He always banks into turns and jumps up and down in frenzied excitement when I crank up some speed metal. These are good qualities, but what he really has down is going with the flow, which is something we all should do. When you try to assert your will on a problem or situation it closes your mind to divine assistance. I never rig a rod until I’m on the water, regardless of what I saw or fished the day before. I listen to what the river is saying today. Most of the time she says, “Keep it simple stupid,” which I assume Jesus would say as well. Although right now he’s saying, “Stay out of the woods, because drunk white men are up there with high-powered rifles!” Hunting season is a good time to stay down on the river, where you’re less likely to get shot. Like the Elk, the Browns get feisty as we drop into fall. You tie on big fur bugs with names like Sex Dungeon and Meat Whistle. You smash your flies against the bank and rip them out. Trout don’t have hands, so they smack your bugs with the only weapons they do have–their faces. Maybe you hook one in ten, but the fun is getting them to chase. It’s been suggested that Jesus was a dry fly fisherman, which I believe to be true, but I’m equally certain he would huck big fur bugs when the river told him to.

Live from the WORLD HEADQUARTERS

Kea C. Hause esq.

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Kea doing a bit of yard work in waders and muck boots, because that’s just how he rolled. BONEDALE, CO. Photo: Copi Vojta